| Aug. 5th, 2008 @ 04:34 pm (no subject) |
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I'm totally losing the meaning of life but the most painful part is that I am aware of this. I'm so comfortable just observing, understanding, and anticipating the moment I will jump in and join the rat race. But the longer I wait, the right moment never appears. I just stick my toes into the water every now and then and then retreat back to observing, understanding, and anticipation again. When I try to play, I get confused by everything around me because I can't just go on instinct when my mind is so confused with all my observations. Then I realize that my observations really didn't help me at all. And only by actually doing something -- will help me. But that again is an observation and not an action so I am back to where I started...
It's pretty harsh when you come to the point in your life when you stop dreaming about the future. You become like all the other drones in the world, part of some sick world domination sci-fi conspiracy, gmo foods, media, everything baracading your moves, but you're comfortable. You're really no better than an ape. And who says you should be? Religion? Should I become a born again? Or buddhist or hadistic jew... It's so hard to find something to believe in when everything is so crappy. |
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